Now I'm here
by yournewimaginaryfriend
Summary: When Remus saw Sirius for the first time, he didn't look like the boy he had known and loved before. After learning that Peter betrayed James and Lily, Remus was outraged. He had been so enraged with Sirius for betraying James and Lily for 12 years. His anger disappeared immediately when he saw the face of his once-lover. A story about lying low Lupins.


**Now i'm here:**

When Remus saw Sirius for the first time, he was shocked at his appearance. He didn't look like the boy he had known and loved before. But what shocked Remus the most was the look in his eyes. His eyes looked lifeless. Nothing like the lively look his eyes used to have. His features were hollow and his skin was white like it had never seen the sun. He hadn't seen the sun, not for twelve years, Remus thought. After learning that Peter betrayed James and Lily, Remus was outraged. He had been so enraged with Sirius for betraying James and Lily for 12 years. His anger disappeared immediately when he saw the face of his once-lover.

When the full moon was over and everyone was safe, Remus couldn't wait to see Sirius again. When Dumbledore told Sirius should lie low at Remus's, Remus was over the moon. The day before Sirius arrived, Remus tried to make his cottage look beautiful. When he heard someone in front of the door, Remus jumped up, a little too fast and ran to the door. In front of the door stood Sirius as Padfoot. He let Padfoot enter and when Remus closed the door, Padfoot changed immediately into Sirius. Sirius still wore the rags he wore in Azkaban and he still didn't look very well. The two men gave each other a long awkward hug, with patting on each other back and for both of them trying not to cry. ''Do you want to eat something?'' Remus asked.''I haven't had a proper meal, since..'' Sirius looked distant and fidgeted with his fingers. ''Well I've made your favourite'' They both walked to the dining table and started to eat. Sirius ate like he never had a meal in his entire life. He looked up from his plate and apologized. Remus told him it didn't matter.

When they both were finished with their meals, Remus asked if Sirius wanted to take a bath. Sirius, of course, agreed immediately. So he showed Sirius the bathroom and went back to his small living room. Remus tried to read a book, but he couldn't concentrate. He never could concentrate with Sirius so close, so he gave up. That's when Remus heard a sobbing noise in the bathroom. He immediately went to the bathroom, where he found Sirius sitting in the bathtub, with trembling hands. ''I don't even look like me anymore, Mooney''. Remus sat down next to Sirius. ''My hands are trembling too bad, can you help me wash my hair?'' Sirius asked, but looked very embarrassed. Remus picked up his shampoo and started washing Sirius hair slowly, very carefully, trying not to hurt him. ''It's like the old days, you washing my hair'' Sirius stated. He already looked more like the Sirius Remus knew. Remus kneaded through the knots in Sirius' hair and Sirius started to look content. He almost looked like he would fall asleep.

Remus thought back of the times at Hogwarts when they started to fall in love. He wouldn't have guessed anything that would happen later. Without James, Lily and mostly Sirius, his life was bleak. It was like Remus only could be happy around them. So when James and Lily died and Sirius was in Azkaban, Remus felt like he would never be happy again. They were his Patronus, without them the dementors sucked all his happiness away.

Sirius stirred and Remus noticed that he stopped washing Sirius' hair. He also saw that the bubbles that covered Sirius had disappeared. Both of them looked very awkwardly at each other. Remus stood up and said: ''Well, I guess you don't need me here anymore.'' and walked out of the bathroom as fast as he could. He fell down on his bed and lied facedown. Why did it have to be so awkward between them? Remus asked himself. They used to know everything about each other, they knew every movement, every look. Now it was like Sirius was a stranger to him. He really hated that.

Meanwhile, Sirius had dried himself off and pulled on the clothes Remus left for him. He walked to the bedroom and saw Remus lying facedown on the bed. Sirius lied down on the bed. ''Is it okay if I sleep here, with you tonight?''. The two men lied down next to each other. Both thinking about better times. After a while, Remus saw that Sirius had fallen asleep. He looked again like the boy he fell in love with, all those years ago. Sirius stirred and looked at Remus. ''I really missed you.'' Remus smiled. ''I really missed you too.''. Sirius looked at him with a sad smile.''I really, really missed you, I couldn't stop thinking about you''. ''Me too'' Remus said. ''I never stopped thinking about you. I am terribly sorry. I should have tried to get you out of there''. Sirius sighed.''You thought I betrayed James and Lily, I thought I was guilty, If I wasn't such a coward and became the secret keeper, they would be still alive''.

Sirius looked very sad. Remus tried to hug him, but Sirius shoved him away. It looked like if Sirius was going to cry. ''I don't deserve any of this, I didn't betray them, but I did cause their deaths''. Remus looked aghast. ''You didn't cause their death, Sirius. Voldemort did''. Tears began to stream over Sirius' face. Remus put his arms around Sirius and hugged him. Sirius smelled like he used to and Remus buried his head in Sirius' hair. ''I can never go back to that place'' Sirius cried.'' I rather die'' Remus held Sirius tight. ''I make sure of it, Now i'm here''


End file.
